I handed him the book of birds

Huh. Must be kinda difficult to hand something to someone without being able to touch it. This dude must have telekinesis.

from:  m_rhames@dynarand.com
to: spamcarnival
date: Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 7:21 AM
subject: I handed him the book of birds

but I had never been allowed to touch it


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Obama’s policies affecting unemployed

Oh, I love Kelly’s blog (who?)!!!!!

from: Recently got a job offer?
to:    bikash.mohanty1975
date:    Sat, Apr 16, 2011 at 12:37 AM
subject:    Obama’s policies affecting unemployed

I read Kelly’s blog last month and decided to feature her story in our weekly consumer report.

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Filed under I've Been Renamed, spam in general

Hello please

Don’t be so desperate… it’s unattractive.

from: Freida Anaya
to: spamcarnival
date: Thu, Apr 16, 2009 at 12:21 PM
subject: Hello please


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I saw your sister

Well… I don’t have a sister, but if I did, I would hope someone wouldn’t actually give me this directive.

from: eaglelml@smtp01.pevnalinka.cz
to: spamcarnival
date: Wed, May 27, 2009 at 9:54 AM
subject: I saw your sister

Just do her.

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Filed under Love and Sex, spam in general

Madonna goes down on a guy in a night club!

Come on. Aren’t Madonna/sex jokes so 1993?

Well, I suppose it’s more of the combination of the subject and the body* that make me laugh.

from: Patrick Fuentes
to: spamcarnival
date: April 11, 2009 5:15:35 AM EDT
subject: Madonna goes down on a guy in a night club!

wall license housekeeper regurgitation
discriminate footfalls confidant regurgitation

*This is not meant to sound postmodern

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Filed under Celebrities, Love and Sex, Prose, spam in general


So, I got this epically long email. It’s so long, actually, that I had to put it behind a cut.  Get ready for the preachin’!


from: anonmail-mixmaster@anonymitaet-im-inter.net
to: webmaster
sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2011 8:39 AM
subject: Fwd:


There are two different opinions regarding to the emergence of this world, some people think, that this world with all live and all events would be a tiny part of the logical causal chain which started with the big bang, the others are convinced of it, that it is finally the fault of Adam and Eve because they have not observed the holy law of God: “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” According to the religious view the emergence of this world through the big bang is a deception of God, a scientific explanation, which was given because without the doubt in God it wouldn’t be possible to test the faith and unbelief of mankind and the sense of this world would get lost. On the other hand, a causal chain out of cause and effect can not have a beginning respectively emerge out of nothing, this contradicts to the laws of science, therewith there’s not only no cause before or for the big bang, but also no energy which would have been necessary for the big bang, even not a tiny disbalance between anything. If two fingers are pressed together, is nothing between them or rather no matter, thrust therein that the universe, the human himself and the bright world which surrounds the human not emerged out of the completely harmless nothing between two fingers or without God, this is simply an imagination which was invented by some humans and which is finally impossible. In the first states of the USA such stories were deleted successfully from the curriculum, so that they weren’t taught any more to the children in the schools. Depriving children of their faith is a serious crime, it’s in the hands of our generation to stop the systematic and unfair education of many million children to the unbelieve!

If the big bang could have happened without God, practically everything could have emerged out of this, but this universe was made exactly so, that the suppositions for live are given, for example without voltage no brainwaves could flow, without radiation this world would be dark and ice-cold, without atoms and the possibility to build molecules live would be impossible, the same would be without many other chemical properties and reactions or without elements like oxygen or carbon or hydrogen or . . ., also the lost of continuity or time or space or matter or the three states of matter or movement or physical or chemical energy or different agencies or . . . would make live finally impossible. Without intelligence something absolute senseless would have emerged out of the big bang or out of nothing, but of course no live. Yes, the only possible explanation is that the universe was constructed deliberately exactly so, that the suppositions for live and higher live are given!

Continue reading

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Filed under Epic, Religion & Spirituality, spam in general

Unusual mothers apex with him

I’ve been going through my archives, and I have a ton of incest porn emails. Is incest funny? Not really, but then again, most spam emails about sex are pretty offensive. Still, folks, it’s all about the language. Spammers have the funniest way of wording things. While you’re at it, check out this spammer’s name!

from: Philomena Ogle
to: spamcarnival
date: April 1, 2009 1:26:13 PM EDT
subject: Unusual mothers apex with him

After all, my first girl was my mom
she showeed me how to stuff her gate

Let’s apex tonight!!

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Filed under Love and Sex, spam in general