I kinda love spam emails like this. Spammers with double identities… bizarre philosophical quotes… what?

date: Sat, Mar 19, 2011 at 4:19 PM
subject: Cathedral
to: spamcarnival

That it was not for him to begin anything anew but that he must live out his life, content to do no harm, and not disturbing himself or desiring anything.

Sincerely Your, Lannon Confucius.


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Filed under Prose, spam in general

Poor Vashon. Poor Jen. Poor the centre.

from:  vashon elenctic
to: spamcarnival
sent: Sun, May 15, 2011 11:42:34 AM

i can’t support the centre any longer. jen is part of the centre and if i let the centre down, i feel i will also let jen down. i have great shame at being a loser, but even more shame at being poor

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Hey Candice

It’s rare that I receive such a personal touch from spammers. Thankfully, Thornton understands how much I love spam. It feel so good to be noticed!

Plus, Thornton is so excited to speak to me again (even though I don’t remember him).

to:   Candice
date:   Sat, Jul 16, 2011 at 1:08 AM
subject:   Hey Candice

hi Candice we haven’t spoken in a while. I want to let you in on this , I am going to have a great year this year with this!! Check it out

In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.


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Filed under Prose, spam in general

I’ll raise YOUR debt ceiling. Wink wink.

Geez, it’s hard to keep up these days, but have no fear… Spam Carnival is back up and running once more!

This one was sent to me without a subject line (sad times!), but… it’s really just too wonderful to not share.

Ram the hell out of your girl and leave her ass in debt! These boosters will make your desire skyrocket! Try just once and you ll understand all the benefits of this approach to solving male problems! Prices are Down for just two next days!


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Filed under Love and Sex, Money and Finances

stooping dow

Are you familiar with the work of Skilton? I wasn’t either, at least not until I got this email. You’re gonna love this one, I just know it.

from:    Skilton
to:   spamcarnival
date:    Sat, Dec 5, 2009 at 10:14 PM
subject:    stooping dow

looked at it. The older part and the whole of the west front was Elizabethan, but the Georgian architect entrusted with the task of building a great extension had carried out his work in a manner almost inspired. Lines and curves, sweeping everywhere towards the same constructive purpose, had been harmonised by the hand of time into a most surprising and effectual unity. The criminologist, notwithstanding his unemotional temperament, repeated his exclamation as he resumed his place in the carriage.

“This is where you’ve got us beaten,” he admitted. “Our country places are like gew-gaw palaces compared to this. Makes me kind of sorry,” he went on regretfully, “that I didn’t bring Lenora along.” The Professor shook his head. “You were very wise,” he said. “My brother and Lady Ashleigh have recovered from the shock of poor Lena’s death in a marvellous manner, I believe, but the sight of the girl might have brought it back to them. You have left her with friends, I hope, Mr. Quest?”



“She has an aunt in Hampstead,” the latter explained. “I should have liked to have seen her safely there myself, but we should have been an hour or two later down here, and I tell you,” he went on, his voice gathering a note almost of ferocity, “I’m wanting to get my hands on that fellow Craig! I wonder where they’re holding him.” “At the local police-station, I expect,” the Professor replied. “My brother is a magistrate, of course, and he would see that proper arrangements were made. There he is at the hall door.” The carriage drew up before the great front, a moment or two later. Lord Ashleigh came forward with outstretched hands, the genial smile of the

A quick Google search reveals that all this jibber-jabber is from a book called The Black Box, by E. Phillips Oppenheim. Skilton is a plagiarist!

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Filed under Short Story, spam in general

amusing apparatus Lily

I think  “amusing apparatus Lily” sounds like a poorly-named burlesque performer.

from:    Ajay Curtis
to: spamcarnival
date:    Tue, Oct 26, 2010 at 9:55 PM
subject:    amusing apparatus Lily

disintegration in cheekbone’s my benefactor do consists your Crookes early Cortland tv

Our site showcases all the latest watches from around the world, from every major designer, including Audemars Piguet, Bulgari, Chopard, Ebel Longines, Omega, Patek Philippe, Rolex and TAG Heuer. Several hundred beautiful and meticulous full-color photographs not only show the watches’ style and exquisiteness, they also give you the perfect view before you purchase.

injected im explain list disinter online Berber too forlorner few Gloria go

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Filed under Lame Product for Sale, Prose, spam in general

Your Saucy Benefits are Here. Taste Them!

MMM. Can I get a benefit sandwich please? Extra sauce.

to: spamcarnival
date:    Mon, Dec 13, 2010 at 6:00 AM
subject:  Your Saucy Benefits are Here. Taste Them!
Surprise from Your Friends with Naughty Benefits.
Be Naughty – Guess what! Your Fantasies are all Here – tasty and REAL.
If you would like to unsubscribe from any further emails

Click Here or write to:

EasyDate plc
410 Park Avenue, 15th Floor
New York, NY 10022

The links in this email leads to a website called “” — interesting! The website background is white, has a Times New Roman black font, and has all of its links in a row. There’s no design.

BUT there’s this picture, which is all over spam:

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Filed under Love and Sex, spam in general